Stormy Weather

















I have received my test results from my HCG blood tests. My hormone levels are decreasing. This means it is most likely a blighted ovum that has given me a positive pregnancy test. I am booked in for a S&C to remove the ‘remains of conception’.

I feel like I am losing my son all over again. While I understand that there is no baby, I am still losing all the hopes and dreams that I let my self to feel again.

I don’t know how to grieve the loss of this baby, of these hopes and dreams that I hold, and still for my son.

Photo credits: Unspoken Grief


Maternity clothing

Anna Saccone: Maternity Style

Why does maternity clothing make you look like a  sack of potatoes? A lot of it is HIDEOUS! I am 25, with a growing bump. I love my body — I don’t want to hide it!

One thing I really enjoyed while pregnant with our first baby, was looking for cute and stylish maternity clothing… or anything that would fit over a bump. I needed maternity jeans from about 9 weeks! It was really uncomfortable to have any pressure on my belly.
And for that reason, I have started to look again for some affordable, stylish maternity jeans.

My first stop for anything is always Asos. I knew they had a maternity section, so I decided to check it out again! Here are my top picks: (Clik on each image to go to the Asos site)

I have a board on my Pinterest, of outfit ideas for when my bump becomes bigger. I am always adding to this board, and I know in the next few weeks, I will definitely need to invest in maternity jeans. It’s already becoming uncomfortable to wear tight clothing.

There is a part of me that is scared, and want to wait until after the 12 week scan. Last time this was when we found out there was something wrong with our son. So, naturally, I am a little apprehensive about this date.

Photo credits: Anna Saccone, Asos

Pregnancy acne


Ah, zits. Pimples. Crater face. I think we all know the names for acne. And no one likes it.
I have been a sufferer of acne since I hit puberty. I hated it and for years, nothing worked. When I went on the pill, my acne cleared up. It was like some sort of miracle. It was then that I realised that my acne was hormonal.

When I fell pregnant with my first baby, the acne was absolutely shocking. Face, back, chest… everywhere. And oily! I was, well you could say scared, because I didn’t know what I was going to do to control it. While I use the normal Clean and Clear face scrub, I have heard rumors around the grape vine that these are bad when you are pregnant. While I don’t know the extent of these, I will be discussing this with my Ob at my next appointment.

My acne hasn’t cleared up with this pregnancy, however it is marginally better than last time.
I have decided to expand on my knowledge on simple ways to help lessen the severity of acne.  While some of these are common knowledge, some surprised me!

  1. Drink plenty of water. Not only is this good for you in general, it is healthy for bubs, keeps your urinary tract flushed to help prevent UTI’s. Cut out soft drink and high sugar content foods.
  2. Eat healthy. The benefits of this is obvious. Cut out processed foods, and eat foods high in antioxidants.
  3. Moisturise. It may be the last thing you want to be doing if you have oily skin like me. However, moisturised skin secretes less oil, as it is hydrated. As long as you use a moisturiser that doesn’t clog your pores.
  4. Lay off the makeup. I know…. we use this to hide our acne. But it actually is clogging our pores. There are certain brands and types of makeup that are better than others at keeping our skin fresh. Ultimately, you need to keep your skin fresh as often as possible. Personally, I only put makeup on when I leave the house, then I wipe it off as soon as I get home. I find this to work in reducing the severity of pimples.
  5. Wash your face. Twice a day if needed, with a deep cleaning scrub or cleanser. This helps to remove any excess oils and dirt that will cause pimples, on top of our hormonal ones.
  6. Do not squeeze, pick at or touch your pimples. I know how tempting it is to squeeze that massive white head that has erupted on your chin over night, but resist. I cannot stress this enough. You can easily spread the acne causing bacteria, and scar your face.

Do you have any tips for reducing the severity of pregnancy acne? And for all those who have the ‘glowing pregnancy skin’… We are all so envious of you.

Photo credit: professionalbeauty

Bump Update – 6 weeks 5 days

BellySo amongst my excitement, I took a photo of my belly. I know there is no way the baby is big enough to make it stick out heaps, but this is roughly a baseline photo.
Also, I am going to be measuring my waist, just below my belly button as a way of gauging how much our baby is growing. I don’t weigh my self, and feel it can be too up and down.
So my measurement for this week is 79.5cms. I can’t wait to watch my belly grow!

Pink or Blue?

I am pregnant with our second baby! This is a blessing after our first baby passed away.
I am still very early in the pregnancy, around 6-7 weeks, however I can feel all the hopes and dreams of a family coming back. Naturally, I still have a voice of reason in the back of my head telling me to not get too excited too soon, as it can all be taken away again.
But sometimes you have to let your self get swept up in the excitement of it all.
Over the course of my pregnancy, I will be sharing my experiences, good, bad, and funny.


My Miscarriage

*This may contain sensitive information for some*

November 1st.  M and I went in for my 12 week scan. It was such a wonderful time for us becuase we were so excited to see our baby. This would have been the first time we saw an actual baby with arms and legs, not just a blob on the screen! A little while in, and after 2 attempts at emptying my bladder “just a little bit more” the sonographer informed us that there was a problem, and she had contacted our Obstetrician. She pointed out there was 7mm of fluid under our sons neck and he also had some fluid over his stomach. My memory fails to remember if she mentioned whether there was a nose or not. But I do remember her saying, “Structurally, everything else looks OK”.
M and I walked over to the Dr.s office and spoke with our OB. He broke the bad news to us. He said there was a strong chance that it was Downs Syndrome that was causing the abnormalities, and that with the degree of fluid, our babies heart was going to stop.
I was in shock. How could this happen? I was only 24. These things don’t happen to people so young… Well, they do.

November 6th. We decided to accept the referal to go to the Royal Women’s Hopsital in Melbourne for a CVS. The procedure wasnt too bad, considering the size of the needle. It was more painful waiting for the results.
The next day we received the preliminary results, and it was confirmed. Trisomy 21. the fluid had also increased to 13.2mm under our baby’s neck, and his heart had slowed to 95 bpm. It appeared things were going from bad to worse. I was numb. I didn’t feel anything.
When I met up with my OB again 5 days later, our baby was still alive, however he wasn’t moving much and I just didn’t feel right. Our OB suggested that it would be better to be induced and give birth to our little boy (we found out his gender through the genetic screening). Now this is where it gets tricky. Some women, like me, don’t want to carry on the pregnancy and prolong the suffering. Other women will choose to do that. At the end of the day, no way is right or wrong.
I decided that I couldn’t sit around waiting for my son to die and not enjoy the pregnancy. I knew deep down that he wouldn’t live, due to the strain on his heart.

November 16th. I checked in to the Maternity ward in Warrnambool and met my midwife and the OBGYN on the ward. We were briefed on how I was going to be induced etc and what to expect. The midwife made us comfortable, and then the waiting game started. 1 hour later I was given my first dose of the medication to induce labor. This happened about 3 or 4 times. Nothing was happening, excpet for some light cramping.

November 17th. 0230hrs I went into labor. I had gone to the toilet and left an awful mess of blood and clots in there and climbed back into bed and rang the buzzer. As soon as I relaxed, it started. Oh my, It was INTENSE! the midwife asked if I wanted any pain relief, and me being me refused, then gave in to the lowest dose of the weakest one. I can’t remember which one it was… probably Panadene fort. Well, this didnt touch the edges. The pain only got worse. I don’t know how long it was but I ended up asking for some sub-cut morphine (I think thats what it was). I could feel that working a treat, and was given some gas to suck on to take the edge off, until the morphine really kicked in. Naturally, it took the contractions away and put me to sleep! But I wasn’t complaining. 0730hrs the OBGYN came in to assess me and said he would be back in an hour to deliver my baby. Sure enough, he was back. 0830hrs my son was born. We got to bathe him, hold him, cuddle him, and take photos, as well as hand and foot prints. I required a D&C as I had a retained placenta.

November 18th. I had a low Hb as I lost about 1 litre of blood throughout the course of the stay. I felt like absolute shit. My son was beside me in his crib. He looked so small. I held him a while longer then decided that it was time for the midwife to take him away. Surprisingly, that wasnt the hardest part of the day. Leaving hospital an hour later was absolute torture. My heart broke into a million pieces, then a numb wave came over me… long enough to get me home. There in the comfort of our house, and with M, we broke down and began our grieving process. I held the blanket and wrap our son was in while I slept…. I still do sometimes.

There is not a day goes by where he isn’t a part of my life, somehow. There are so many things that I own now, that are for him , or a reminder of him. He is my first born. He is my son… And he always will be.