Day 198

After my 2nd M/C I sent all of the pregnancy email/spam to a folder where I wouldn’t have to see them every day.

I just accidentally clicked on it and saw an email that I received today… I would have been 198 days pregnant. Translation: Week 28.

I don’t know how I feel about that. Kinda shocked that it’s been that long since my rainbow faded away…

I am struggling emotionally with a lot of things at the moment… And have lost the motivation to run… Self confidence is shot.

I know what needs to be done to change it.. but it’s just bringing my self to do it – that’s the hard part.

XO Kate


You don’t have children, do you?

I have heard this too many times in the last 2 weeks.

Let me explain my self. And on a side note, if I am over-reacting, please feel free to slap me sideways.

In my Comprehensive Nursing Management class, I am in a group with 4 other mothers. Ages ranging from 25 – 53. I feel kind of weird in this group, as I consider my self a mother, however I have nothing to contribute to their conversations. So I just sit idly by and listen, or study while they are talking about how great their kids are…

Today, I heard “You don’t have children, do you?”, twice. Only because I had brought pre-prepared notes to class, so I wouldn’t be floundering through not knowing what the hell I was doing.

I felt like yelling out, “I have a son who passed away, and then had another miscarriage after that!“. And not to mention that people assume this hasn’t happened because I am “too young”…. But that is a whole other can of worms….

I have heard too many times mothers blaming their children for things that go wrong or awry in their lives…. stretchmarks, not getting their homework done (if they are in uni), grey hairs, stress…. the list goes on. I know, if my son had lived, I would not be blaming my shortcomings on him… And I sure as hell won’t be when I am able to have a child of my own.

But coming back to my original gripe… don’t assume that I don’t have things going on in my life, just because I am diligent enough to do my homework before coming to class.

This whole thing has just rubbed me up the wrong way today… And I know I am not the only one who can relate to this.

My Tangible Peace

I stumbled across this Facebook page earlier this evening, called My Tangible Peace. A lady in Vermont creates polymer clay sculptures of babies at any gestation.  All I can say is ‘wow!’ It is so quirky, yet so perfect.  She also has a Etsy store, which you can find here.

I really want to get one for my son, who was born at 15 weeks. I was thinking of getting one for his birthday, in November.

Has anyone else heard of this lady? Or own one of her pieces? I’d love to know what you think!


Carly Marie Special Offer

Once again the fabulous Carly Marie is offering a half price special offer on a range of her photographs! That means they are only $7.50 each.  As with all of her artwork, proceeds from these images will go to The Luminous Light Miscarriage Care pack and Memory Box Project. You can read all about Luminous Light here.

The images are emailed to you, so anyone around the world can have a beautiful piece of artwork in their homes.

So, if you want to purchase one, click on the image below!

I’d love to know if you have purchased any of her art previously, or planning to!

Photo:  Carly Marie

Caring For Bereaved Parents

I came across these notes that I took when I was completing my online Caring for Bereaved Parents course. I thought I would share a few notes for anyone who is interested.


Women over the age of 45 are at a 75% risk of having a miscarriage

Men over the age of 40 are 2x more likely to father a pregnancy ending in miscarriage

15%-20% of known pregnancies end in a miscarriage

New born deaths are classified if the baby is under 28 days

Stillborn –  pregnancy over 20 weeks who has died before birth or in birthing process

Bereaved parents and families experience: shock, denial, incomprehension and numbness, guilt, denial, anger, hope and readjustment

We can give:

  1. permission to grieve
  2. share their experience

Be there. Take the time. Be open. Be honest. Share tears. Show that you care. Use babies name. Attend to all needs. Be patient and gentle. Encourage and give options. Don’t mention autopsy straight away. Provide with info on what to do and what not to do. Help create memories. Meet religious beliefs. Give parents as much time as possible with their baby. Include other family members.


These tips can be applied to all situations where there is a loss – The loss of a child, the loss of a friend, the loss of a lover, the loss of their health through the diagnosis of an illness – it can all be employed to help others.


If you are interested in undertaking the Caring for Bereaved Parents online course, follow this link for more information.




Return To Zero

Extra Large Movie Poster Image for Return to Zero

RETURN TO ZERO is a drama, based on a true story, about a successful couple, Maggie and Aaron Royal, who are preparing for the arrival of their first child, a son. Just weeks before their due date they are devastated to discover that their baby has died in the womb and will be stillborn.

Maggie and Aaron attempt to go on with their lives as before but cannot escape their postpartum grief. They come to realize that their lives and relationship have been forever altered by this loss. They try to cope in a myriad of ways — through denial, escape, and alcohol — but when Maggie discovers that Aaron is having an affair with a co-worker, she decides to end the marriage.

Just when Maggie believes she has started a new life, she discovers that she is pregnant again by Aaron. With the help of her empathetic doctor who had experienced a similar loss years ago, Maggie finally grieves for the loss of her son. Through a turbulent and terrifying pregnancy, Maggie and Aaron reunite to see their child, a daughter, safely into the world.

I am so anxious to see this movie. The reviews have been great! Not to mention it is helping to dismiss the stigma surrounding stillbirth. This movie is so important in this movement.

I am wanting to read the book, Three Minus One which details stories of loss, and was inspired by the film, Return To Zero.


Have you seen the film or read the book yet? What did you think? Let me know!






I Held Life Project

I have an idea… Please let me know if this has been done before.

I am thinking of creating a little something called the ‘I Held Life Project’

I got the idea from a fellow angel mum on Instagram who wrote the words “I Held Life” on her stomach. I thought it would be a nice way to share with the world that we are mothers to angels, and it is OK to acknowledge this.

My plan is create a blog, where people can send me their photos and I will post them. You can write the words “I Held Life” anywhere on your body, have birthdays and anything else you wish to add. Show the world that you are a proud mother!

If you are interested, follow the link to check it out!